Sunday, September 11, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
My American Dream
We're on the verge of a precipice.
Both at the apex of one mountain and the foot of the other.
The end of the valley and the beginning of the climb.
I've been auditioning again. I've been advertising my presence again. Like the early morning bulb of a train that meets the horizon, the light has come back. And with it, the echoes of opportunity.
Took awhile. Had to get through an earthquake, a hurricane, a recession, poorly paying survival jobs, long travels, and a slump. Had to swallow a lot of pride. Had to learn an awful lot. Had to make a good share of mistakes.
I couldn't tell if it's because I've payed my dues or that I'm just dumb lucky. But it appears I will get another shot.
Amazing how life goes on. How the first bird gets the worm...even if it's most likely that crazy bug-eyed feathered fiend was there the night before, watching. Or that the other fowl crossing the road needed courage because there really was no reward on the other side.
Sheer persistence and love of the pursuit: even in failure. When your reward no longer depends upon success, when your self-esteem has nothing to do with a popularity contest, you will be a force. That is why I'm still here. And that's why I'm still writing. It's also the reason why I'm being overly-dramatic. Because I'm dealing with feelings so big it's only natural to exaggerate.
I saw this movie for the first time a few months ago. I think when you take into account the probability of ever being a paid, liked, and respected (you should consider yourself in good stead to be any one of these qualities) actor, writer, director, producer, stage manager, stage crew, or friend of the arts, understand that the ones who stay, hopefully, aren't doing this just because they're looking to obtain something that will assure them they've 'made it'. I'd bet everything in my bank account that they believe they already have.
So, today, no matter what happens, I feel rich. I feel successful. I feel like I've climbed Mount Everest and I'm still on this couch. Where I'm writing to you right now. THAT'S the gloriously unrefined charm of creative optimism: blind and relentless. The survivors have it. The best at least emulate it. Or they're completely miserable (angry energy also seems to go far, but remember how Mr. Montana turned out?). And the rest of us struggle like mercury in the thermometer, hoping for a cooling rationale against a red roaring hunger to climb.
My life got dark. Like so many others out there, I've had to scratch and claw my way to September 2011. And the way I've made my march has been based upon the fact that I don't give a Hoover Dam about whether I obtain an accolade, a pat on the back, or some flimsy paycheck. Or whether or not you think I'm easy to deal with, or my writing's any good, or that I'm with the in-crowd with the big names, or can rock it with a Black Swan's grace. In the end, my choice is all that matters and where I am at any given moment ought to be enough for a celebration. Because even when I take judgement seriously, even when I have my moments of weakness, I'm still going to be here. Waiting for the next thing. Because this journey is the only reason for me why it's worth being here in the first place.
And I friggin' love it.
Both at the apex of one mountain and the foot of the other.
The end of the valley and the beginning of the climb.
I've been auditioning again. I've been advertising my presence again. Like the early morning bulb of a train that meets the horizon, the light has come back. And with it, the echoes of opportunity.
Took awhile. Had to get through an earthquake, a hurricane, a recession, poorly paying survival jobs, long travels, and a slump. Had to swallow a lot of pride. Had to learn an awful lot. Had to make a good share of mistakes.
I couldn't tell if it's because I've payed my dues or that I'm just dumb lucky. But it appears I will get another shot.
Amazing how life goes on. How the first bird gets the worm...even if it's most likely that crazy bug-eyed feathered fiend was there the night before, watching. Or that the other fowl crossing the road needed courage because there really was no reward on the other side.
Sheer persistence and love of the pursuit: even in failure. When your reward no longer depends upon success, when your self-esteem has nothing to do with a popularity contest, you will be a force. That is why I'm still here. And that's why I'm still writing. It's also the reason why I'm being overly-dramatic. Because I'm dealing with feelings so big it's only natural to exaggerate.
I saw this movie for the first time a few months ago. I think when you take into account the probability of ever being a paid, liked, and respected (you should consider yourself in good stead to be any one of these qualities) actor, writer, director, producer, stage manager, stage crew, or friend of the arts, understand that the ones who stay, hopefully, aren't doing this just because they're looking to obtain something that will assure them they've 'made it'. I'd bet everything in my bank account that they believe they already have.
So, today, no matter what happens, I feel rich. I feel successful. I feel like I've climbed Mount Everest and I'm still on this couch. Where I'm writing to you right now. THAT'S the gloriously unrefined charm of creative optimism: blind and relentless. The survivors have it. The best at least emulate it. Or they're completely miserable (angry energy also seems to go far, but remember how Mr. Montana turned out?). And the rest of us struggle like mercury in the thermometer, hoping for a cooling rationale against a red roaring hunger to climb.
My life got dark. Like so many others out there, I've had to scratch and claw my way to September 2011. And the way I've made my march has been based upon the fact that I don't give a Hoover Dam about whether I obtain an accolade, a pat on the back, or some flimsy paycheck. Or whether or not you think I'm easy to deal with, or my writing's any good, or that I'm with the in-crowd with the big names, or can rock it with a Black Swan's grace. In the end, my choice is all that matters and where I am at any given moment ought to be enough for a celebration. Because even when I take judgement seriously, even when I have my moments of weakness, I'm still going to be here. Waiting for the next thing. Because this journey is the only reason for me why it's worth being here in the first place.
And I friggin' love it.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Irene, so mean!
Hi everyone,
The situation with this current Hurricane looks to be pretty serious for the east coast (at least FOR ONCE the news is not completely exaggerating). Make sure to pay attention to the info from the sites below if you're within 50 miles of the storm because there's a good chance some these reports will pertain to you. This is literally the biggest storm New Jersey has seen in over 110 years (!!??!!) with wind, rain, and storm surges starting to affect the shoreline and tributaries as far as 100+ miles from the eye. Don't kid yourself into thinking you know how this Lady's going treat you when she arrives for the party.
Above all, be save, and remember no possession is more precious to you or others than your well being.
As for myself, I've got a lot of good books, candles, batteries, flashlights, and water. Food too of course. I'm far enough inland that there's a good chance we'll be OK riding this one out. But fear not as my eyes and hears are glued for more information as it develops.
PLEASE BE SAFE AND CHECK THESE WEBSITES!
Dr. Jeff Master's WunderBlog
WunderGround Website (type in your zip code to find out what's going to happen in your area!)
-Ben
The situation with this current Hurricane looks to be pretty serious for the east coast (at least FOR ONCE the news is not completely exaggerating). Make sure to pay attention to the info from the sites below if you're within 50 miles of the storm because there's a good chance some these reports will pertain to you. This is literally the biggest storm New Jersey has seen in over 110 years (!!??!!) with wind, rain, and storm surges starting to affect the shoreline and tributaries as far as 100+ miles from the eye. Don't kid yourself into thinking you know how this Lady's going treat you when she arrives for the party.
Above all, be save, and remember no possession is more precious to you or others than your well being.
As for myself, I've got a lot of good books, candles, batteries, flashlights, and water. Food too of course. I'm far enough inland that there's a good chance we'll be OK riding this one out. But fear not as my eyes and hears are glued for more information as it develops.
PLEASE BE SAFE AND CHECK THESE WEBSITES!
Dr. Jeff Master's WunderBlog
WunderGround Website (type in your zip code to find out what's going to happen in your area!)
-Ben
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
I, Digitized.
'Ello gov'nah. Or gov'ness.
Or whatever kind salutation you'd prefer.
I promised myself I'd take a true break from the acting world, but opportunity persists...
I found a role in a short film project offered through some friends of mine. It was hot and humid, but I got a look at some of the early footage and am legit excited about it. So, if you like a good thriller or two, click to see An Unfinished List. They were kind enough to give me a fun scene in there. As of now one is getting settled in the L.A. scene; the other will be soon. I consider myself lucky to work with them before they really get noticed, because they got the potential to do some big things.
Otherwise, you've all been sorely missed. I won't crown this my official return, but you'll be hearing from me every now and again. There's something so freeing when you can do what you love and you don't worry about whether it, literally, brings home the bacon. Nom-nom (those are eating noise if you weren't sure).
The Actor will Return. "Cheerio".
-Ben
Or whatever kind salutation you'd prefer.
I promised myself I'd take a true break from the acting world, but opportunity persists...
I found a role in a short film project offered through some friends of mine. It was hot and humid, but I got a look at some of the early footage and am legit excited about it. So, if you like a good thriller or two, click to see An Unfinished List. They were kind enough to give me a fun scene in there. As of now one is getting settled in the L.A. scene; the other will be soon. I consider myself lucky to work with them before they really get noticed, because they got the potential to do some big things.
Otherwise, you've all been sorely missed. I won't crown this my official return, but you'll be hearing from me every now and again. There's something so freeing when you can do what you love and you don't worry about whether it, literally, brings home the bacon. Nom-nom (those are eating noise if you weren't sure).
The Actor will Return. "Cheerio".
-Ben
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Fin?
Wow. So here we are. Feels like an eternity since I last posted. And of course, so much has changed. Changed indeed.
I did a reading, and some fun Murder Mystery theater, which is quite a challenge live and among the masses, let me tell you. I've just been pruning a new script. It's a play I've been working on the past few months...hopefully it catches. There's also a short film I may finally get around to producing. We will see. I auditioned, but nothing has caught for the summer. And to top it all off, a drought in my acting inspiration has stifled most of my appearances. Other than that, I did a reading recently, and have been working nonstop to raise money. The job situation got rocky. I was hired, but very little money came in. Therefore, I've had to surrender the Jersey City residence. I will dearly miss the landlords and their dogs. They have been very kind to me as I attempted to make my transition to adult-like freedoms. It was a necessity, but a sad one. They are very generous folks. Perhaps one day, I may repay them for their kindness, and the inconvenience. The fact of the matter is real world has caught up to the dream and now requires a very different approach.
The good news is that I may have found something work-wise that will stabilize me financially. And that those kind landlords have a new tenant. But, it does mean that the journey will take a detour. A very big one. For all my adventures, there still lingers the question as to whether this is deemed to be my overall profession. I leave the door open for the possibility in the future, but issues within the business, and within myself, have asked me to take a pause, and allow myself to live in the world instead of just acting it out in a dark space. That also means I must put this blog, temporarily, to rest. I need to keep my focus upon the future and my personal well-being and indepedence. I still dream of the day when I may make a home on the stage or the screen, but for now, it will remain the image, not the reality. Like anything else, perhaps it will help take all the noise that scatters my thoughts out of my head, and allow me to think with more clarity how best to proceed forward.
I want to thank my silent audience for following me through the year-and-a-half long plunge: starting with those first emails to those of you who helped give me the big push to the expanded audience that watches in for the myriad reasons one might read and listen. Performers do not act out to be heard alone, but wish for a full audience if only to confirm that they have said something. Again, thanks for making my words truly heard, and I hope that this story may very soon pick up where it is leaving off.
Until then my friends...
I did a reading, and some fun Murder Mystery theater, which is quite a challenge live and among the masses, let me tell you. I've just been pruning a new script. It's a play I've been working on the past few months...hopefully it catches. There's also a short film I may finally get around to producing. We will see. I auditioned, but nothing has caught for the summer. And to top it all off, a drought in my acting inspiration has stifled most of my appearances. Other than that, I did a reading recently, and have been working nonstop to raise money. The job situation got rocky. I was hired, but very little money came in. Therefore, I've had to surrender the Jersey City residence. I will dearly miss the landlords and their dogs. They have been very kind to me as I attempted to make my transition to adult-like freedoms. It was a necessity, but a sad one. They are very generous folks. Perhaps one day, I may repay them for their kindness, and the inconvenience. The fact of the matter is real world has caught up to the dream and now requires a very different approach.
The good news is that I may have found something work-wise that will stabilize me financially. And that those kind landlords have a new tenant. But, it does mean that the journey will take a detour. A very big one. For all my adventures, there still lingers the question as to whether this is deemed to be my overall profession. I leave the door open for the possibility in the future, but issues within the business, and within myself, have asked me to take a pause, and allow myself to live in the world instead of just acting it out in a dark space. That also means I must put this blog, temporarily, to rest. I need to keep my focus upon the future and my personal well-being and indepedence. I still dream of the day when I may make a home on the stage or the screen, but for now, it will remain the image, not the reality. Like anything else, perhaps it will help take all the noise that scatters my thoughts out of my head, and allow me to think with more clarity how best to proceed forward.
I want to thank my silent audience for following me through the year-and-a-half long plunge: starting with those first emails to those of you who helped give me the big push to the expanded audience that watches in for the myriad reasons one might read and listen. Performers do not act out to be heard alone, but wish for a full audience if only to confirm that they have said something. Again, thanks for making my words truly heard, and I hope that this story may very soon pick up where it is leaving off.
Until then my friends...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The Mighty PEN
Hello everyone,
Time for a status report.
I had my first day working again this weekend. Hurrah! There are few things more liberating than knowing you can do to provide for yourself. It has been a blessing to say that my friends and colleagues are all finding ways to support themselves; they continue to be in my thoughts as time and circumstances evolve. This particular employ will likely be one of three jobs within my own Personal Employment Network (or PEN for short). I also have secured a living space in downtown Jersey City. Fortunately, that town is a far cry from its dirty, crime-infested ways of not-so-distant memory. AND I won't need a car: totally bi-winning.
This PEN I'm referring to is crucial. In fact, its been necessary to perpetuating my professional aspirations. So, allow to me elaborate.
The PEN is a collection of jobs, usually temporary (long term or short), seasonal, or personal enterprises,where good relationships have been established between yourself and those with which you do business. It can also be a a much longer-term commitment where you have a pro-actor boss that supports what you're doing. If you've worked there previously, and you feel the relationship with said organizations is good, it falls under your network.
For instance, I worked at a warehouse the year before last shipping Halloween costumes out of a need to get "cash now" (those commercials drive me nuts!). I worked their again last year because they remembered me and liked the work I did. The same with a local bookstore when they needed extra help with student orders. Or a few years back with a local school when the custodial staff needed assistance. See the trend here? It should sound an awful lot like keeping up relations with casting directors and arts organizations that you also seek employ. It's all the same idea. The PEN becomes a spider web, woven from your goodwill with others, to give you financial and scheduling support when you need it. You're on a project that just got out, but you're stuck waiting 5 months before you can get more acting work--no problem. You have a temp job in construction, or office work if you're not the hard-handed-of-Athens type, and all you have to do is call that person up, because you put in 1-2 years worth of equity there and this is the time of year they really need someone.
I have a PEN because I spent over 5 years developing it simply out of necessity. I also continue to expand that network. I continue to get training. I continue to dive into my contacts and resources to know what the various industries are doing. As my interests evolve, then so does my network. And your collection of working experiences will highlight certain strengths and capabilities. For me specifically, I have great diversity. I think I've held over 12 different types of jobs over the life of my PEN. The various tasks you will perform as being a part of entertainment will cross over and give you many opportunities. Those have been essential in helping me make noise in NYC once I got back. (Huge hint: THE WHOLE NEW YORK METRO AREA RESTAURANT WORLD IS HIRING.)
As a responsible member of the Biz, you should already be looking in backstage, playbill.com, entertainmentcareers.net (thanks to a good friend for this one!), actorsaccess.com, and castingnetworks.com. But, you should also bookmark craigslist, find at least one or two temp agencies, like this one, and flashing some good ol' fashion detective work pounding pavement and using those ever-so-precious people skills you've cultivated. That sounds like a lot, but make it your goal that in one hour's time you find five high-value work situations for yourself. With so many sources, that's not so hard.
Asking. That's how my Journey began. That's why it's gotten this far. You don't wait for something to happen. The universe will give all on its own, but it also gives because you give back. Just as an experiment, I walked down Lexington a few weeks ago...and got several interviews without an appointment. I've learned to push and pull to make wakes in the collective pool of awareness and because I know those waves will be felt. Effort set things into motion. I've only been back in New Jersey for about a month, and I'm working again. During the Great Recession. In one of the most competitive job markets there is. The job's I've found may not have been my FIRST choice, but I've seen plenty of reasonable ways to make a living.
Totally unrelated--really like Game of Thrones. HBO (and AMC) continue to own it when it comes to T.V. series. Check it out if you find the time.
-Ben
P.S.- Beware scams! My mom always says to never shop for groceries when you're hungry. The same thing should be said for job hunts. You may really need cash, but there are a lot of people out there, especially online, that want to make you quick and easy promises...only to lure you into spending more money or giving out important personal information. Ask for a company name and one form of official contact information. Do research on any place you look to work. No job should require you to pay BEFORE you are employed.
Time for a status report.
I had my first day working again this weekend. Hurrah! There are few things more liberating than knowing you can do to provide for yourself. It has been a blessing to say that my friends and colleagues are all finding ways to support themselves; they continue to be in my thoughts as time and circumstances evolve. This particular employ will likely be one of three jobs within my own Personal Employment Network (or PEN for short). I also have secured a living space in downtown Jersey City. Fortunately, that town is a far cry from its dirty, crime-infested ways of not-so-distant memory. AND I won't need a car: totally bi-winning.
This PEN I'm referring to is crucial. In fact, its been necessary to perpetuating my professional aspirations. So, allow to me elaborate.
The PEN is a collection of jobs, usually temporary (long term or short), seasonal, or personal enterprises,where good relationships have been established between yourself and those with which you do business. It can also be a a much longer-term commitment where you have a pro-actor boss that supports what you're doing. If you've worked there previously, and you feel the relationship with said organizations is good, it falls under your network.
For instance, I worked at a warehouse the year before last shipping Halloween costumes out of a need to get "cash now" (those commercials drive me nuts!). I worked their again last year because they remembered me and liked the work I did. The same with a local bookstore when they needed extra help with student orders. Or a few years back with a local school when the custodial staff needed assistance. See the trend here? It should sound an awful lot like keeping up relations with casting directors and arts organizations that you also seek employ. It's all the same idea. The PEN becomes a spider web, woven from your goodwill with others, to give you financial and scheduling support when you need it. You're on a project that just got out, but you're stuck waiting 5 months before you can get more acting work--no problem. You have a temp job in construction, or office work if you're not the hard-handed-of-Athens type, and all you have to do is call that person up, because you put in 1-2 years worth of equity there and this is the time of year they really need someone.
I have a PEN because I spent over 5 years developing it simply out of necessity. I also continue to expand that network. I continue to get training. I continue to dive into my contacts and resources to know what the various industries are doing. As my interests evolve, then so does my network. And your collection of working experiences will highlight certain strengths and capabilities. For me specifically, I have great diversity. I think I've held over 12 different types of jobs over the life of my PEN. The various tasks you will perform as being a part of entertainment will cross over and give you many opportunities. Those have been essential in helping me make noise in NYC once I got back. (Huge hint: THE WHOLE NEW YORK METRO AREA RESTAURANT WORLD IS HIRING.)
As a responsible member of the Biz, you should already be looking in backstage, playbill.com, entertainmentcareers.net (thanks to a good friend for this one!), actorsaccess.com, and castingnetworks.com. But, you should also bookmark craigslist, find at least one or two temp agencies, like this one, and flashing some good ol' fashion detective work pounding pavement and using those ever-so-precious people skills you've cultivated. That sounds like a lot, but make it your goal that in one hour's time you find five high-value work situations for yourself. With so many sources, that's not so hard.
Asking. That's how my Journey began. That's why it's gotten this far. You don't wait for something to happen. The universe will give all on its own, but it also gives because you give back. Just as an experiment, I walked down Lexington a few weeks ago...and got several interviews without an appointment. I've learned to push and pull to make wakes in the collective pool of awareness and because I know those waves will be felt. Effort set things into motion. I've only been back in New Jersey for about a month, and I'm working again. During the Great Recession. In one of the most competitive job markets there is. The job's I've found may not have been my FIRST choice, but I've seen plenty of reasonable ways to make a living.
Totally unrelated--really like Game of Thrones. HBO (and AMC) continue to own it when it comes to T.V. series. Check it out if you find the time.
-Ben
P.S.- Beware scams! My mom always says to never shop for groceries when you're hungry. The same thing should be said for job hunts. You may really need cash, but there are a lot of people out there, especially online, that want to make you quick and easy promises...only to lure you into spending more money or giving out important personal information. Ask for a company name and one form of official contact information. Do research on any place you look to work. No job should require you to pay BEFORE you are employed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)