So you might be wondering what all my more mysterious, symbolic, highly dramatic talk is all about. Today, I ship up to Boston. And there's a touring company up there that I've been in conversation with for awhile, and at long last has come to fruition. It's another children's tour. I'll be serving as understudy/ house manager/ sound tech. But this time it's national: well, at least across the midwest (but that's a pretty big chunk of land right?), but it's a legit national tour for which I will be working. So excited and nervous and all of those things. This is just another step in the journey-march. It all began while auditioning for these fine folks right around the time I was accepted into Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey.
It is here that I will live. Boston : the town is awesome. A lot of good friends and family have gone here for college (being that it's THE college town on the planet!). So different from NYC and that's part of its charm. No two East Coast cites are alike and that's the fun of the travel my friends. Oh and gettin' ready for some chowdah time (one of my all-time favorite bowl-meals of childhood). It's a complete 180 from where I was working close to this time last year.
Really. I can't wait.
New England and I aren't strangers in the least. I used to come through New England to Boston and part of Rhode Island and Maine. My family has even skied upon the Catskills of Upstate NY (if you count that as NE...) It's practically my second home.
So here I am on Bolt Bus (which if you don't know about you better, because it's next-to-nothing to travel through the BosWash corridor.
Now here's the even BETTER news. I'm getting a smart phone. Which means I will finally have a decent portable camera. Which means you'll be seeing a lot more pictures from me. Which is nice, because I wouldn't mind having a few for me-self.
Let's get green and jolly...and make the luck o' the Irish be with me.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
My American Dream
We're on the verge of a precipice.
Both at the apex of one mountain and the foot of the other.
The end of the valley and the beginning of the climb.
I've been auditioning again. I've been advertising my presence again. Like the early morning bulb of a train that meets the horizon, the light has come back. And with it, the echoes of opportunity.
Took awhile. Had to get through an earthquake, a hurricane, a recession, poorly paying survival jobs, long travels, and a slump. Had to swallow a lot of pride. Had to learn an awful lot. Had to make a good share of mistakes.
I couldn't tell if it's because I've payed my dues or that I'm just dumb lucky. But it appears I will get another shot.
Amazing how life goes on. How the first bird gets the worm...even if it's most likely that crazy bug-eyed feathered fiend was there the night before, watching. Or that the other fowl crossing the road needed courage because there really was no reward on the other side.
Sheer persistence and love of the pursuit: even in failure. When your reward no longer depends upon success, when your self-esteem has nothing to do with a popularity contest, you will be a force. That is why I'm still here. And that's why I'm still writing. It's also the reason why I'm being overly-dramatic. Because I'm dealing with feelings so big it's only natural to exaggerate.
I saw this movie for the first time a few months ago. I think when you take into account the probability of ever being a paid, liked, and respected (you should consider yourself in good stead to be any one of these qualities) actor, writer, director, producer, stage manager, stage crew, or friend of the arts, understand that the ones who stay, hopefully, aren't doing this just because they're looking to obtain something that will assure them they've 'made it'. I'd bet everything in my bank account that they believe they already have.
So, today, no matter what happens, I feel rich. I feel successful. I feel like I've climbed Mount Everest and I'm still on this couch. Where I'm writing to you right now. THAT'S the gloriously unrefined charm of creative optimism: blind and relentless. The survivors have it. The best at least emulate it. Or they're completely miserable (angry energy also seems to go far, but remember how Mr. Montana turned out?). And the rest of us struggle like mercury in the thermometer, hoping for a cooling rationale against a red roaring hunger to climb.
My life got dark. Like so many others out there, I've had to scratch and claw my way to September 2011. And the way I've made my march has been based upon the fact that I don't give a Hoover Dam about whether I obtain an accolade, a pat on the back, or some flimsy paycheck. Or whether or not you think I'm easy to deal with, or my writing's any good, or that I'm with the in-crowd with the big names, or can rock it with a Black Swan's grace. In the end, my choice is all that matters and where I am at any given moment ought to be enough for a celebration. Because even when I take judgement seriously, even when I have my moments of weakness, I'm still going to be here. Waiting for the next thing. Because this journey is the only reason for me why it's worth being here in the first place.
And I friggin' love it.
Both at the apex of one mountain and the foot of the other.
The end of the valley and the beginning of the climb.
I've been auditioning again. I've been advertising my presence again. Like the early morning bulb of a train that meets the horizon, the light has come back. And with it, the echoes of opportunity.
Took awhile. Had to get through an earthquake, a hurricane, a recession, poorly paying survival jobs, long travels, and a slump. Had to swallow a lot of pride. Had to learn an awful lot. Had to make a good share of mistakes.
I couldn't tell if it's because I've payed my dues or that I'm just dumb lucky. But it appears I will get another shot.
Amazing how life goes on. How the first bird gets the worm...even if it's most likely that crazy bug-eyed feathered fiend was there the night before, watching. Or that the other fowl crossing the road needed courage because there really was no reward on the other side.
Sheer persistence and love of the pursuit: even in failure. When your reward no longer depends upon success, when your self-esteem has nothing to do with a popularity contest, you will be a force. That is why I'm still here. And that's why I'm still writing. It's also the reason why I'm being overly-dramatic. Because I'm dealing with feelings so big it's only natural to exaggerate.
I saw this movie for the first time a few months ago. I think when you take into account the probability of ever being a paid, liked, and respected (you should consider yourself in good stead to be any one of these qualities) actor, writer, director, producer, stage manager, stage crew, or friend of the arts, understand that the ones who stay, hopefully, aren't doing this just because they're looking to obtain something that will assure them they've 'made it'. I'd bet everything in my bank account that they believe they already have.
So, today, no matter what happens, I feel rich. I feel successful. I feel like I've climbed Mount Everest and I'm still on this couch. Where I'm writing to you right now. THAT'S the gloriously unrefined charm of creative optimism: blind and relentless. The survivors have it. The best at least emulate it. Or they're completely miserable (angry energy also seems to go far, but remember how Mr. Montana turned out?). And the rest of us struggle like mercury in the thermometer, hoping for a cooling rationale against a red roaring hunger to climb.
My life got dark. Like so many others out there, I've had to scratch and claw my way to September 2011. And the way I've made my march has been based upon the fact that I don't give a Hoover Dam about whether I obtain an accolade, a pat on the back, or some flimsy paycheck. Or whether or not you think I'm easy to deal with, or my writing's any good, or that I'm with the in-crowd with the big names, or can rock it with a Black Swan's grace. In the end, my choice is all that matters and where I am at any given moment ought to be enough for a celebration. Because even when I take judgement seriously, even when I have my moments of weakness, I'm still going to be here. Waiting for the next thing. Because this journey is the only reason for me why it's worth being here in the first place.
And I friggin' love it.
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