Gulliver's Tour

My dear friends. You have all been most patient with me: We pulled out of Boston, drove all the way over to Wisconsin...and then found ourselves lost in the mysteries, oddities, and kindness of the Midwest.

Or at least the incredible amount of work that laid ahead.

So, time flew by. We had our truck break down multiple times, I drank and ate wonderful local things with my cast, I managed to win at chess (whoo-hoo!), and even had time to take A LOT of pictures. Our adventures have stretched from the Great Lakes to West Virginia to Minnesota to Connecticut. Oh yeah, and there's a lot more to talk about...like my time at Niagara Falls and how we had to end a show early because of a teacher in a dancing chicken suit. It's so much more fun to tell stories when you know they're true...and thus I will have to find ways to catch you up with all of it. Of course, I'll break down my duties a bit more, too. I promised myself as a person and an artist to plunge more thoroughly into the world beyond the digital and have succeeded to the sharpest of my sleepy perceptions. The writing muse also needed some conjuring, but here I am! (Must've been all the turkey and ham I ate this past week that has revived my energies...thank you, to parents for a fantastic feast.)

As for today we were in Pennsylvania and then bounced back into Dover, DE, for our show tomorrow. We then head for Scranton. Hope you all had a great holiday weekend; I'll be talking to you all soon!
-Ben

More than A Feelin!

So you might be wondering what all my more mysterious, symbolic, highly dramatic talk is all about. Today, I ship up to Boston. And there's a touring company up there that I've been in conversation with for awhile, and at long last has come to fruition. It's another children's tour. I'll be serving as understudy/ house manager/ sound tech. But this time it's national: well, at least across the midwest (but that's a pretty big chunk of land right?), but it's a legit national tour for which I will be working. So excited and nervous and all of those things. This is just another step in the journey-march. It all began while auditioning for these fine folks right around the time I was accepted into Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey.

It is here that I will live. Boston : the town is awesome. A lot of good friends and family have gone here for college (being that it's THE college town on the planet!). So different from NYC and that's part of its charm. No two East Coast cites are alike and that's the fun of the travel my friends. Oh and gettin' ready for some chowdah time (one of my all-time favorite bowl-meals of childhood). It's a complete 180 from where I was working close to this time last year.

Really. I can't wait.

New England and I aren't strangers in the least. I used to come through New England to Boston and part of Rhode Island and Maine. My family has even skied upon the Catskills of Upstate NY (if you count that as NE...) It's practically my second home.

So here I am on Bolt Bus (which if you don't know about you better, because it's next-to-nothing to travel through the BosWash corridor.

Now here's the even BETTER news. I'm getting a smart phone. Which means I will finally have a decent portable camera. Which means you'll be seeing a lot more pictures from me. Which is nice, because I wouldn't mind having a few for me-self.

Let's get green and jolly...and make the luck o' the Irish be with me.

10 Years ago today...

I saw people in this country show more genuine care about each other than I've ever seen before--strangers doing things for strangers that "best friends" might not even do.

Ever since, I've been wondering where that selfless spirit went.

I think today should be about helping someone else. And not just the person you find laying on the side of the road or at the Food Bank. Go out of your way to do something needed, maybe it's small...for someone who's not looking to be saved.

(A thought for today. More writing soon to come.)

-Ben

My American Dream

We're on the verge of a precipice.

Both at the apex of one mountain and the foot of the other.

The end of the valley and the beginning of the climb.

I've been auditioning again. I've been advertising my presence again. Like the early morning bulb of a train that meets the horizon, the light has come back. And with it, the echoes of opportunity.

Took awhile. Had to get through an earthquake, a hurricane, a recession, poorly paying survival jobs, long travels, and a slump. Had to swallow a lot of pride. Had to learn an awful lot. Had to make a good share of mistakes.

I couldn't tell if it's because I've payed my dues or that I'm just dumb lucky. But it appears I will get another shot.

Amazing how life goes on. How the first bird gets the worm...even if it's most likely that crazy bug-eyed feathered fiend was there the night before, watching. Or that the other fowl crossing the road needed courage because there really was no reward on the other side.

Sheer persistence and love of the pursuit: even in failure. When your reward no longer depends upon success, when your self-esteem has nothing to do with a popularity contest, you will be a force. That is why I'm still here. And that's why I'm still writing. It's also the reason why I'm being overly-dramatic. Because I'm dealing with feelings so big it's only natural to exaggerate.

I saw this movie for the first time a few months ago. I think when you take into account the probability of ever being a paid, liked, and respected (you should consider yourself in good stead to be any one of these qualities) actor, writer, director, producer, stage manager, stage crew, or friend of the arts, understand that the ones who stay, hopefully, aren't doing this just because they're looking to obtain something that will assure them they've 'made it'. I'd bet everything in my bank account that they believe they already have.

So, today, no matter what happens, I feel rich. I feel successful. I feel like I've climbed Mount Everest and I'm still on this couch. Where I'm writing to you right now. THAT'S the gloriously unrefined charm of creative optimism: blind and relentless. The survivors have it. The best at least emulate it. Or they're completely miserable (angry energy also seems to go far, but remember how Mr. Montana turned out?). And the rest of us struggle like mercury in the thermometer, hoping for a cooling rationale against a red roaring hunger to climb.

My life got dark. Like so many others out there, I've had to scratch and claw my way to September 2011. And the way I've made my march has been based upon the fact that I don't give a Hoover Dam about whether I obtain an accolade, a pat on the back, or some flimsy paycheck. Or whether or not you think I'm easy to deal with, or my writing's any good, or that I'm with the in-crowd with the big names, or can rock it with a Black Swan's grace. In the end, my choice is all that matters and where I am at any given moment ought to be enough for a celebration. Because even when I take judgement seriously, even when I have my moments of weakness, I'm still going to be here. Waiting for the next thing. Because this journey is the only reason for me why it's worth being here in the first place.

And I friggin' love it.

Irene, so mean!

Hi everyone,

The situation with this current Hurricane looks to be pretty serious for the east coast (at least FOR ONCE the news is not completely exaggerating). Make sure to pay attention to the info from the sites below if you're within 50 miles of the storm because there's a good chance some these reports will pertain to you. This is literally the biggest storm New Jersey has seen in over 110 years (!!??!!) with wind, rain, and storm surges starting to affect the shoreline and tributaries as far as 100+ miles from the eye. Don't kid yourself into thinking you know how this Lady's going treat you when she arrives for the party.

Above all, be save, and remember no possession is more precious to you or others than your well being.

As for myself, I've got a lot of good books, candles, batteries, flashlights, and water. Food too of course. I'm far enough inland that there's a good chance we'll be OK riding this one out. But fear not as my eyes and hears are glued for more information as it develops.

PLEASE BE SAFE AND CHECK THESE WEBSITES!

Dr. Jeff Master's WunderBlog
WunderGround Website (type in your zip code to find out what's going to happen in your area!)

-Ben

An Unfinished List

So here's the direct link to the movie I made. Hope you like it.

I, Digitized.

'Ello gov'nah. Or gov'ness.

Or whatever kind salutation you'd prefer.

I promised myself I'd take a true break from the acting world, but opportunity persists...

I found a role in a short film project offered through some friends of mine. It was hot and humid, but I got a look at some of the early footage and am legit excited about it. So, if you like a good thriller or two, click to see An Unfinished List. They were kind enough to give me a fun scene in there. As of now one is getting settled in the L.A. scene; the other will be soon. I consider myself lucky to work with them before they really get noticed, because they got the potential to do some big things.

Otherwise, you've all been sorely missed. I won't crown this my official return, but you'll be hearing from me every now and again. There's something so freeing when you can do what you love and you don't worry about whether it, literally, brings home the bacon. Nom-nom (those are eating noise if you weren't sure).

The Actor will Return. "Cheerio".

-Ben

Fin?

Wow. So here we are. Feels like an eternity since I last posted. And of course, so much has changed. Changed indeed.

I did a reading, and some fun Murder Mystery theater, which is quite a challenge live and among the masses, let me tell you. I've just been pruning a new script. It's a play I've been working on the past few months...hopefully it catches. There's also a short film I may finally get around to producing. We will see. I auditioned, but nothing has caught for the summer. And to top it all off, a drought in my acting inspiration has stifled most of my appearances. Other than that, I did a reading recently, and have been working nonstop to raise money. The job situation got rocky. I was hired, but very little money came in. Therefore, I've had to surrender the Jersey City residence. I will dearly miss the landlords and their dogs. They have been very kind to me as I attempted to make my transition to adult-like freedoms. It was a necessity, but a sad one. They are very generous folks. Perhaps one day, I may repay them for their kindness, and the inconvenience. The fact of the matter is real world has caught up to the dream and now requires a very different approach.

The good news is that I may have found something work-wise that will stabilize me financially. And that those kind landlords have a new tenant. But, it does mean that the journey will take a detour. A very big one. For all my adventures, there still lingers the question as to whether this is deemed to be my overall profession. I leave the door open for the possibility in the future, but issues within the business, and within myself, have asked me to take a pause, and allow myself to live in the world instead of just acting it out in a dark space. That also means I must put this blog, temporarily, to rest. I need to keep my focus upon the future and my personal well-being and indepedence. I still dream of the day when I may make a home on the stage or the screen, but for now, it will remain the image, not the reality. Like anything else, perhaps it will help take all the noise that scatters my thoughts out of my head, and allow me to think with more clarity how best to proceed forward.

I want to thank my silent audience for following me through the year-and-a-half long plunge: starting with those first emails to those of you who helped give me the big push to the expanded audience that watches in for the myriad reasons one might read and listen. Performers do not act out to be heard alone, but wish for a full audience if only to confirm that they have said something. Again, thanks for making my words truly heard, and I hope that this story may very soon pick up where it is leaving off.

Until then my friends...

The Mighty PEN

Hello everyone,

Time for a status report.

I had my first day working again this weekend. Hurrah! There are few things more liberating than knowing you can do to provide for yourself. It has been a blessing to say that my friends and colleagues are all finding ways to support themselves; they continue to be in my thoughts as time and circumstances evolve. This particular employ will likely be one of three jobs within my own Personal Employment Network (or PEN for short). I also have secured a living space in downtown Jersey City. Fortunately, that town is a far cry from its dirty, crime-infested ways of not-so-distant memory. AND I won't need a car: totally bi-winning.

This PEN I'm referring to is crucial. In fact, its been necessary to perpetuating my professional aspirations. So, allow to me elaborate.

The PEN is a collection of jobs, usually temporary (long term or short), seasonal, or personal enterprises,where good relationships have been established between yourself and those with which you do business. It can also be a a much longer-term commitment where you have a pro-actor boss that supports what you're doing. If you've worked there previously, and you feel the relationship with said organizations is good, it falls under your network.

For instance, I worked at a warehouse the year before last shipping Halloween costumes out of a need to get "cash now" (those commercials drive me nuts!). I worked their again last year because they remembered me and liked the work I did. The same with a local bookstore when they needed extra help with student orders. Or a few years back with a local school when the custodial staff needed assistance. See the trend here? It should sound an awful lot like keeping up relations with casting directors and arts organizations that you also seek employ. It's all the same idea. The PEN becomes a spider web, woven from your goodwill with others, to give you financial and scheduling support when you need it. You're on a project that just got out, but you're stuck waiting 5 months before you can get more acting work--no problem. You have a temp job in construction, or office work if you're not the hard-handed-of-Athens type, and all you have to do is call that person up, because you put in 1-2 years worth of equity there and this is the time of year they really need someone.

I have a PEN because I spent over 5 years developing it simply out of necessity. I also continue to expand that network. I continue to get training. I continue to dive into my contacts and resources to know what the various industries are doing. As my interests evolve, then so does my network. And your collection of working experiences will highlight certain strengths and capabilities. For me specifically, I have great diversity. I think I've held over 12 different types of jobs over the life of my PEN. The various tasks you will perform as being a part of entertainment  will cross over and give you many opportunities. Those have been essential in helping me make noise in NYC once I got back. (Huge hint: THE WHOLE NEW YORK METRO AREA RESTAURANT WORLD IS HIRING.)

As a responsible member of the Biz, you should already be looking in backstage, playbill.com, entertainmentcareers.net (thanks to a good friend for this one!), actorsaccess.com, and castingnetworks.com. But, you should also bookmark craigslist, find at least one or two temp agencies, like this one, and flashing some good ol' fashion detective work pounding pavement and using those ever-so-precious people skills you've cultivated. That sounds like a lot, but make it your goal that in one hour's time you find five high-value work situations for yourself. With so many sources, that's not so hard.

Asking. That's how my Journey began. That's why it's gotten this far. You don't wait for something to happen. The universe will give all on its own, but it also gives because you give back. Just as an experiment, I walked down Lexington a few weeks ago...and got several interviews without an appointment. I've learned to push and pull to make wakes in the collective pool of awareness and because I know those waves will be felt. Effort set things into motion. I've only been back in New Jersey for about a month, and I'm working again. During the Great Recession. In one of the most competitive job markets there is. The job's I've found may not have been my FIRST choice, but I've seen plenty of reasonable ways to make a living.

Totally unrelated--really like Game of Thrones. HBO (and AMC) continue to own it when it comes to T.V. series. Check it out if you find the time.

-Ben

P.S.- Beware scams! My mom always says to never shop for groceries when you're hungry. The same thing should be said for job hunts. You may really need cash, but there are a lot of people out there, especially online, that want to make you quick and easy promises...only to lure you into spending more money or giving out important personal information. Ask for a company name and one form of official contact information. Do research on any place you look to work. No job should require you to pay BEFORE you are employed.

Actor and the Easter Parade

First and foremost, I hope you're all having a good Easter Weekend. I'll be spending some good quality time with the family tomorrow. We have homemade cinnamon-raisin sticky-buns awaiting us. Ohhh-hohhhh boy.
 ;
Whilst I salivate, this is my most recent post. Hope it is worth the wait:

You find your path; you forge your path. You move like the Juggernaut. Your momentum swings into that laser-precision mission you call your will and out after that target you go. You bulldoze obligations, time with friends, time with family, time for yourself--you must'n't let distractions get in your way. Not even money. At almost all cost.

And then one day you come up to a high incline. Your speed slows. You try to dig as deep as you can, but you used all of that effort just getting over the last mountain. Suddenly your aim comes to a halt. The show that must go on, stops, and your competitors fly over that hill like birds over ants.

Now what?

That's exactly what I want to talk about today.

There's an interesting article that in very succinctly explains why the Intiman Theatre is cancelling the rest of their season. They were very short on their budget for this year and so started a huge fundraising campaign, of which the results were very promising and it was declared they would press on. However, after a deeper look at projected income, the fear was that only a bigger hole was being dug.

Do you feel like all that fancy digging of yours isn't getting you any closer to the surface? That's what I've been feeling lately. My return home has been successful. My pursuits have been rewarding and only the potential for more interesting adventures. However, the resources for acting are somewhat bare these days. And, many of the theaters looking for actors have already been cast. The actual cost to audition and stay informed can be very pricey. You can say I'm like the fly on the flypaper. How to break free...

Sometimes it just means you have to stop. You have to withdraw to really understand your options. It takes just as much courage to retreat as to engage. It's not easy to do; some will not understand or appreciate your reasons. In military battles, the best generals were the ones who knew when they were picking the wrong fight and moved out of harms way to better fight the enemy tomorrow.

"Why so cryptic Ben?"

Well, the past year has made me rethink much of what acting is and how I want to practice as a artist in the profession. Diversity and independence have come up repeatedly in my search. I want to have a connection both outside and within the arts domain.

This past year or so have been a gamble to jump-start a career. When it's your living on the line, the need can arise to force creative production. It can be very painful and sometimes, in my opinion, damaging to your creative psyche. Therefore, it is a new mission of mine to reduce the stress that comes with finding and producing artistic work. Apparently, sprinting has its place (you can read this if you've got some time, and an extensive physiology and biology vocabulary, or that if you'd like the digest), but remember this is a long distance affair. At some point, we all need to just stop. An artist's journey is as much about the stop-and-go, the diversions from the inspired path, as a play itself. There has been great success, but it has hindered other adult obligations that need to be addressed. Slow and steady will now win the race. That doesn't mean there won't be bold choices or lack of a determination to find other exciting options, but there will be an emphasis on providing more support to make sure I am in good stead.

I want to be in New York. The BosWash Corridor has a real appeal to me. The people I know here and the resources available are tremendous--if you are wise of the system by which they are dispersed. I want to (finally) explore the world of voice-over and commercials. The inner-writer is going to get out more often as well. A lot of actors have also encouraged me to look up opportunities as an extra. Why not. Let's spread the roots a bit.

Of course, there are many steps needed in order to put all of these in place. First, is to move closer to a major arts city. Philly and D.C. were high on my list, but New York's gravity is pulling me the hardest right now. Rest assured, those other areas (Boston included) will be getting further investigation. But home base will be New York/New Jersey for the foreseeable future.

The second is providing myself with a solid foundation to support my business as actor and writer. As I've written before, inquiries have already been made. I'm really close to making both these two points happen. So close...

So that's the next big turn. We'll get into vision and mission statements later--something that every artistic and entrepreneurial spirit should embrace. Until then, may you have many colored eggs and chocolate bunnies.

-Ben

Twinight Harolds

Good evening (or Morning?),

First, some misfortune: my laptop has officially died (tear). I wish it well in circuitry heaven and recycling. For you, that means my posts will be a little more spread out. In the meanwhile, I've been hitting the ground running these days and I must be off to bed for a very important audition tomorrow--looking forward to getting to that when the opportunity strikes.

Excellent progress has been made towards finding work. Some canidates have been eliminated through the usual reasons and some interviews have been obtained. At this point, I've really started to hone in on some good leads and my aim is that before this month is out my financial and artistic needs will be well in hand...including some education opportunities (fingers crossed). I've been learning to put good energy and my wishes out into the world every day--the power of want and belief are already making a difference.

The search has come down to acting (mostly commercial), teaching, and hospitality/customer service options--each one of which fits me very well. That's the beauty of being an actor--your work in theater actually makes you well-versed in a plethora of skills; an artists breadth and depth of abilities is not to be over-looked.

Transition is something that both intrigues and challenges me in many ways, but it's encouraging that so much progress has already been made (not bad for a mere seven days in pursuit!). Glad to have you on board with me.

I hope that next time you read this is over your breakfast and coffee...and considerably later. Time for bed!

-Ben

Dancin' with Myself

Today has been full of the hunt. Job applications are already out in the world and exciting new things are already starting to take shape. Can't wait to tell once I hear more. I recently found a play reading club in the city and we had a lot fun rediscovering plays like Stop Kiss. It's early yet, but this summer should provide us with plenty more Journey to tell. Naturally, one shouldn't claim to have what one has yet to receive. It's simply bad luck, in my opinion.  Lucky, time will be the swifter wind this go-around.

The day came and went. The rain came and went. But the cold settled in for the evening. It was my mother, my sister, and I, eating good home-cooked food, and watching this very fun movie called Take the Lead, starring Antonio Banderas. It's very nice rendition of a familiar storyline: a funny and honest portrayal of an outsider coming into an underprivileged, inner-city school to help the worst of the misfits find their way in the midst of tough life circumstances. In this case, a dance teacher decides to volunteer his time and skills to the detention class. Along the way, they learn that dance, like life, takes trust: it cannot be done alone, but also doesn't have to be done for anyone else that may be watching; their best dancing happened when they were out there on the floor and didn't care who might be watching. And, my goodness, was the dancing fun to watch.

One thing we practice in acting is the concept of public privacy. The idea is, very early on in training, to get comfortable doing something in your "room" onstage as if you were in your real life room, with the door shut, and no one was looking. In order to reveal the life of the story that captures our attention so well, you can't bother yourself with the fight you had with a boyfriend an hour ago, or that you dropped ice-cream on those pants you ironed for thirty minutes or even that you knew your favorite director is going to be in the audience that night. None of it has anything to do with the story on stage. It has nothing to do with your character. This Other Life, when the lights come on, and the theater gets quiet, is its own bubble--regardless of whether it directly involves the audience or not--you have to dance to your part, and with your partners, with the ecstatic abandon one might attempt in an empty rehearsal hall.

It's important for me to admit this because this is one of the biggest personal challenges I have faced. Being an actor new to the industry can be an overwhelming experience. You have little money. Maybe there's struggles within the family or circle of friends. Maybe its about your career. Maybe its about something else. You have enormous amount of excellent competition, each of them clawing and scratching their way to the top along side you. Success can get you to the point where they suddenly look better than you, dance/sing/act better than you, know more people than you, work harder than you, smile more than you do, heck, maybe people just plain like them better than you. And then, there are all these directors, artistic directors, castings agents, and a whole host of other theater types that you somehow have to leave a good impression while not looking like you're trying to leave a good impression. And THEN there could be your own opinions: did I like what I did? It could even be about waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Professional or personal, the friction from the grind can seep into every crevice of your day-to-day.

And in the attempt to protect ourselves from these inner doubts, we forget on stage to learn how to dance alone. To throw away the backstage bricks that weigh us down and find the Waltz or Cha-Cha of this other life that we inhabit for a few hours. Just like in the movie, I understood that to these kids, that release is freedom, and honesty, and so much the celebration of everyone's self, and what makes people so damn interesting, that it seems silly to worry about anyone noticing.... Those who are more concerned about their ensemble and the story say so many better things about who they are than the self-conscious actor that always needs to prove something.

I made a promise to myself a very long time ago that, no matter, no matter how hard this profession became, that I would always find something fun and exciting about it to keep me going. I think part of that is finding art that touches me. Like this movie. It's crucial to find the kind of work that lights your fire because that will only help you when you need to light a flame in your audience. Let's say that's one of my new goals from here on out--let's find the things that inspire--even if its other competition--and let that be the basis for our new moves.

In the spirit of happy discovery, here's my randomly entertaining video of the week.

-Ben

New Directions

Hello everyone,

It's been some time since we last talked. There's a great deal of good story to share with you.

To start: We've finally narrowed down the mass of play submissions for Under 6 (over 3,300!) to 25-30 top plays that the Artistic Director will review and give his personal input. There's some real good ones in there. I'm looking forward to hearing who's going to be the winner. I also devoted many an hour to completing our subscription renewals. We spend much of the time processing the last of the forms, answer phone calls, help walk-in patrons, and then talk about the more "interesting" patrons that we encounter.

Thursday: we made our way out for an Art Appreciation day they are had at a local Elementary School. This particular location is another very FST-friendly place, which made us even more eager to attend. The Principle was decked out in a P.T. Barum outfit. There was dancing, there was the singing of the Star-Spangled Banner, there were ballet dancers, and there were unicycle riders. And they were just part of the event, each demonstrating and breaking down their feats to help children understand how they did them. We were one of the main events, teaching everyone a fun dance set to the Black Eyed Peas "I Got A Feelin'". This was also a great time, with all the challenges of keeping the excited child-crowds focused on the task. And, lots of special hollywood-star shaped shades that would make even Kanye West proud. We had 30 minutes with each grade (6 sessions in all): we managed to squeeze in dress rehearsal of the performance and then a final presentation that was video-taped.

That is in quick some this week's highlights. And now for an important announcement.

Over the past few weeks, I have had a chance to reflect on the incredible breadth and depth of my adventures here. There were important discoveries made and lessons learned that will serve me well wherever I find my life leading. But, with the summer employment season close at hand, and the Playmakers and Under 6 Tour concluded, I felt this was the right time to conclude my Journey with Florida Studio Theatre (FST).

This decision came from both personal and professional reasons. I'm excited because it signals the next step. What I have learned about myself in Florida will require me to take a different approach to being an artist. It coincides with what I see as a change in direction. Since I have only arrived today, more introspection is needed. And of course, I will be eager to share them with you. I'm grateful to FST for opening their doors; giving me the chance to do some amazing work and gain further insight into the Business. My superiors, along with the entire staff, have been gracious and supportive of my decisions. I wish them all the best and hope that our futures my once again intertwine. In the meantime, I will recoup from my travels and look forward to making my next post for all of you. Until then.

-Ben

Stand in the place where you are...

This will be short and sweet.

I had a rather intensive day in the box office, but it was good because I knew they needed me there. The work was relentless, but the results are rewarding. I'm helping to get 20,000+ people ready for the summer and following winter re-subscriptions. It's quite and undertaking and an honor to be of assistance. This is the lifeblood that allows all other activities at the theater to prosper.

Afterward, I got some casual time with some of the cast of the Brassy Broads (a fun all-female musical revue) and some of the tech interns that do many, many things behind the scenes. It makes me realize that it's not just about doing what you love, it's about the people with which you will do that certain something. Creativity does not just spawn itself alone, it needs an ecosystem with which to propagate inspiration. Having fellow beings with which you have comfort and provide you energy can result in creations far greater than your own mind could conceive. Inner strength will only take you so far. I cannot speak for other businesses, but the "Business" is built around community. Surround yourself with good people and trustworthy people and you will surely grow. Become choked by those certain weed-types that trick, that lie, that manipulate, and you will brown out, wither, and perhaps have your passion die out altogether. This is neither an easy evaluation to acknowledge nor is it a simple solution to discover the inner fortitude that accepts when a certain place might be poisonous to your well-being.

This is why we network. This is why we work in many different places. This is why we do research and ask questions. We should know as much as we can about where we are going before we get there; what we should know when we arrive. And, how we can use this experience to the benefit of, most importantly, ourselves and those around us.

Again, more big thoughts from someone who goes through them every day.

-Ben

P.S.-Word of mouth is the biggest way to spread good news around. I hope that if you find my blog helpful, that you'll pass that love along to those you know. It's already bringing big attention to my posts--so thanks to everyone who's been so helpful so far!

Filing and Improvising

Welcome back to Monday. I promise I have some good stories to fill the time.

Box Office:
We're currently awaiting our last tour date this Friday. As I'm sure you'd believe, there's still plenty to do. I spent the day getting our filing for re-subscriptions in order, man the phones, and make small talk with my fellow coworkers. I'm almost done with The Empty Space, which means they'll be more thoughts on that soon. Of course, the day was not very exciting, but it was a change in ruetine and there's nothing better for an artist than to mix up the pace every once in a while--it keeps your sense sharp to live in its every detail. You could make an average day very interesting (and assure yourself you'll still have a job by tomorrow), but just changing very little things and seeing what they do for your experience of the everyday. It's likely it won't be very boring if you stay alert to the very minute differences.

But I digress.

The Box Office, thankfully, ran smoothly, and then I immediately rushed for some pizza (like I need an excuse for that) and then got myself ready for the open Improv night at the Cabaret theatre. You see, we have an awfully lot of adult improv classes going on--and the people that join up are loads of fun. The second to last class to a free night where they put the students under the shining lights to show off their skills (option "z" spelling included). They've been encouraging us to participate and of course we obliged.

Improv Night:
When people are thinking on their feet under observation of an audience, there's always something interesting that's going to happen. Such as the two people guessing what each of their partners were doing. It was set under the context of a debate over a controversial issue. One person each was demonstrating one point of view which another pair had to guess what they're arguing while their making the argument. They thought it was about drinking tequila. However, it was really about the difference between pulp and non-pulp orange juice. The guessing was both amazing and painfully funny to watch.

But that was just the first group. Which none of myself or my colleagues were in. Now it was our turn.

We get up there and of course my first-show jitters are showing just a little bit. I take some breathes and let the bad tension seep its way out just in time to get under way. We were really in the grove tonight. We created, as a group, the every evolving story about the 'gator trapped in our mini-Toyota and we managed to plow into the swamp water while battling off the reinforcements swimming and chomping at the bit to snap us off the roof of our nearly submerged compact. From there we had everything from ex-lovers trying to put down each other by determining whether the bounty of age or the allure of youth could really satisfy their man. Or, perhaps the wife who had filled her bed with toenails in order to spice up their love life while the husband was trying to find a more hygienic solution...although there wasn't enough time to save him from his pediatrist who was returning some underwear that got lost in their last "session" (what is it with comedy and sexual tensions!).

Then there was the dating game. In a rough abbreviation, there's a person who has to choose from three contestants who their lucky suitor will be. Of course, this person has left the room so the audience can make suggestions about the wild characters we will be during this game. And, the real challenge for the interviewer to determine who their winner is and figure out each person's character. Oh yeah, and we can't directly reveal who we are when the interviewer returns.

The desperate dater returns. Us characters settle in.and away we go.

One was Abraham Lincoln (picked from suggestions for a historical figure).
One had the unfortunate problem of snoring very loudly (a bad habit).
And one was a kitten (picked for a ferocious creature...this was me).

The first two were spotted quickly. Then I remained. With cute kitten eyes i was going to be the lucky date of our contestant! I awaited the dater to discover who I really was. There was a pause. I was in full cute kitty mode. Big wet eyes, soft fur, the works (at least from what my imagination could conjure). I had given what I thought were some dead give-aways--favorite color? gray, because it's the color of the mice I chase. Pretty explanatory if you ask me. Our improv partner decided I was...

An elephant. Then a whale. Then a mouse.

Ah well, can't get em all. We were all a bit confused, but it was pretty amusing nonetheless. Fortunately, everyone else in the room had a pretty good idea who I was and the dater finally discovered my true identity. By the end we were all giving high-fives. I got people to laugh about quantum physics. Only in improv...

So we're now back at the house and making more small talk. I've taken my shower. All is well. A quiet day and a quirky night. And that's way I liked it.

-Ben

The Judgment Factor

So, I get a facebook group invite to vote for an auditioner (friend of a friend, you could say) seeking to be cast in the new Off-Broadway production of Rent coming this summer (is it scary this is the first time I've heard about it?). I've just started dabbling in video auditions myself; it's always interesting when there's a chance to see what we on stage/in the auditioning room look like from the audiences/casting directors' points of view.

I got curious. I started looking at other video auditions, subconsciously making observations in my head, as the determined actor that I am, and seeing what I liked or didn't like--perhaps the lighting was really weird or the audio quality wasn't great or perhaps I loved their voice, but didn't see any character emerge (or the complete opposite). Maybe they had a look or exuded a charisma that was spellbinding...or oozed something that produced a very different reaction.

Much like this wonderful site I've been getting into recently, I began to click associated links through youtube and "stumbled upon" a collection of videos talking about how the cast of Glee landed their current gigs. I've talked a lot recently about the relationship of art to our own lives and how to share that art. A big part of that, and many of my colleagues might agree, is being comfortable in where and who you are. One thing that stood out to me was how incredibly vunerable they all felt and how raw their auditions were--clearly they had the ability, but they were their 100% pure personality. It takes courage to allow the fullness of your humanity to be exposed. So it is that we cannot afford to take for granted ourselves so much that our technique or anything else outshines that essence which is always and uniquely our own.

However, I find the old, but rather vague, adage of "being yourself" very discouraging. In context, it usually means to act or behave as someone other than ourselves. Granted, there are times when this suggestion is useful--albeit necessary--when living with other people. But, there's nothing very self-appreciating or self-assuring in the phrase. It's not very helpful, so let's modify it.

In acting, producing a state of "being" almost always creates something equivocal and lacking in electricity...the gravitational pull that attracts people like flies to halogen bulbs. Specifics are essential. How and when do we know that we are being ourselves? Are we ourselves alone, or with other people? Both? Maybe in a certain place? In a certain job or study? When pressed to trace my judgments, the source lies in what people do (including what they say). Action seems to be the glue that binds all these questions together. When we do something, then we have a way of making an objective observation--of determining who our character is. But maybe doubt now slinks in: how to do we know the action is right? There's millions of choices. How do we know we picked the right one? My mind keeps wandering back to one phrase.

 "Trust yourself": like you might have to do if you were at the door of a plane about to go skydiving. People I admire have this air of confidence, this alluring comfort in their presence, which almost always comes from a strong sense of faith in their choices independent of outside critique. They may appear strange, but they are so completely at ease within their own oddities that it quickly becomes accepted. Herein is where one of my biggest struggles remains: leaving myself alone to find the genuine character I'm playing.

Creativity is an unpredictable and somewhat mystic beast. When you're really doing something, your voice might wander somewhere and your body might move in a way which you didn't ask it. Or perhaps you're working from the outside-in instead; perhaps doing from an impulse of the mind that you willfully manifest. You might put your body into a funny position and justify an instant later. Whether through chaos or some inner reasoning, the best I've seen don't take time in performance to wonder if it worked. They worry about that later.

But what I saw in these videos about the Glee cast was an unabashed comfort in what they did--it may not have been the best choice at the time, but they went with it and somewhere in the struggle to reveal the song, they revealed themselves. I keep wondering how great it would be to allow personal inconsistencies to shine like Shakespeare in all their complexities--they'll certainly be more interesting to watch. If I'm critiquing myself in a performance, then I'm going to "be" the actor trying to play a part instead of the character trying to live within the story. This just highlights many other examples I've found.

I want to focus more of my work on embracing where I am, how to simply listen to what is going on around me, and how, when left alone, I can create a far more fascinating set of characters, than if I sweat it out, hoping to make a pleasurable show onstage. Again, this is just my own perspective. You can find some wise words about working from the actor's perspective and the rest of the business from the links on blog, posted here.

Artsy Funsy

Yet another day in the books. Can you believe that this mini-tour has only two more performance days left?!

Today we went back to one of my personal favorites, a magnate school for the arts. The kids there are great. If you remember from a few weeks ago, I mentioned a place where they had a nice stage, with all the accouterments...and a fully equipped T.V studio right next to it. It's pretty neat. They really get it when it comes to being involved with a live performance event.

We had very enthusiastic audiences, lots of laughs, lots of silence in the serious moments, and plenty of applause and questions afterward. We even got a free meal out of the deal (the shamrock-shaped pretzels were a really cool and tasty touch). During our Q and A, they were really impressed with one of our tricks: we make it appear that a brand new pencil gets sharpened.

For context, here's the summary of the play we do it in:
The Pencil Who's Afraid to be Sharpened. This play was actually written by an entire class. Pencil #1 one is brand new. She hops over to the stud of the group, pencil #2, and pencil #3, or "Stubby", the height-challenged vet of the pencil box, waiting in a line to get pointy by the sharpener. Pencil #1, innocently asking about this strange machine, gets the "newbie" treatment as #2 and #3 decide to playmind games with her--they tell #1 all sorts of scary things about the sharpener. However, when it comes time for #1 to get a little shaved off the top, she finds out that her courage to go through with it made her one very good looking, pain-free, pointy pencil.

So now back to the trick:
We have an arrangement to make #1's sharpened head (all the players playing pencils wear corresponding pencil hats) appear when she removes herself from the sharpener. When done right, the trick should make it look like the sharp head magically replaced the flat one. The way we do it is have the pointy hat underneath the flat one and then the sharpener (in this case me) will pull the over-hat and turn such that the audience never sees me leave with the over-hat backstage. This one can be very satisfying when a collective "WHOAAAAAAAA" catches up to me as I deposit the flat top. Ah, the little things in life...

The rest of the day was spent reading kid plays in the 3rd, 4th, and high school grades. Most are exactly crowd-pleasers, although some have an awful lot of potential...if there was time to develop them with the playwrights. Unfortunately, there's really only enough to time to pick, choose, fix some grammar/spelling, and get into the rehearsal room. Hopefully these kids will have had enough reactions to their work from schoolmates and those beyond the classroom to encourage them to keep working at their craft.

I think we often take for granted how innate the need for and ability to tell stories really is in our DNA. No, I don't think there's an allele in there somewhere or some special combination of organic acids that dictates it a specific story-telling gene...but it's a proven observation that every human culture on the planet uses storytelling in one form or another. In everyday life we see people we label as "performers", but we really could take Shakespeare's famous lines about "all the world" to see the way we in real life really are. No doubt for many of you, this isn't the most shocking revelation. But there are people out there that study all of humanity through the theories of narrative (oh yes... there are scientific studies in the field of communication exclusively utilizing this principle). For the everyday person, it's a way to make your movie-watching and theater-going experience more meaningful--where do you see your life in these stories? Where do you see life in the stories that the people around you tell; look to even the most mundane and you'll find a whole world behind that benign tale. For the artist--not just the actor--it's one more way to remind ourselves that if we are to be a mirror of life for the human world to peer into and rediscover itself (as I've heard mentioned in many places and books), we must be willing to reflect in the observations of our experiences both in and beyond the theater; it's performance and rehearsal spaces. We ourselves are constantly writing new chapters with every minute we're alive. Any moment within could be the inspiration--that moment when we see the mirror bounce something back and suddenly we understand; now, we have confidently gained a genuine interest to share a new, very personal, view with others.

And with that I say, goodnight.

-Ben

P.S.-Speaking of peaking into the mirror, I am always happy to hear your thoughts, please feel free to share!

The First Days of Under 6 Tour and the Too Short Shirt

Woo! My how the days get ahead of me. As the title suggests, we have made our entrance into the schools again; no to my surprise, the kids didn't miss anything. "Hey, I remember you!", "Were you in Pinocchio" (why do they always think I was that guy from the show I never did here?) , "Did you finally find a shirt that fits"....uh, yes I did...more on that in a moment.

This set is a little less encompassing--which is nice because we can save more of our focus and stressing upon the show and crowd itself. This was a straightforward event--nine plays, back to back, with an intro and conclusion. I'd love to give summaries of all of them, but that's a lot to follow in a post. So, let's give you two more:

The Silly King Named Kenny:
One day, the King greeting his servants when he receives a very important package from the postman. In the sworn oath of secrecy of the postman, when the court has adjourned, it is reveiled that his most precious object is a...Barbie Doll (dun dun dun!)! Of course, the King can't be made to look silly in front of his kingdom, but the postman is a lousy confidant and blurts it out to two of the servants. They all make it just in time to find the King, and his plastic waltzing partner--we're talking flips, tosses, spins; the work. The King manages to justify his position by being the tester of toys while his subjects laugh off his "very important work".

The Fortune Telling Peach:
In the middle of Orangetown...there is a peach who tells people's fortunes. However, they must have a good heart to know them. A little girl comes and learns she will have a big family. A theif comes and learns...that he will not get his fortune. And, a very worried mother comes to find out if her son shall survive "the war", but with many memories of its horrors. It's a peach that gives the people hope.

Again, they're all really good plays. I mean, even this guy (who has frequently attended and supported the Under 6 Play Festival) thought these young playwrights were making work more honest than that being done on Broadway!

Today was a typical day with three shows. We have a Q and A after each show. Here's some of the highlights:

We've been asked how we remove this hat from another story called The Pencil That's Afraid to be Sharpened (should be ample explanation for now); or how we make the bus spin around in a tornado; or how the policeman on the bike--er--"car" escorts the two kids to school. And we demonstrate. Sometimes they make statements. They might like a character. Or thought the who presentation was really good. Or this pre-k child in the front of the audience that really saw something in the play and told us about how his dad's gone away  and isn't coming back, but that he's ok because his mom is taking care of him now...because of one of our plays (I've already mentioned this one before: New Moon).Remember, all these plays were written by kids just like this guy. We were all very moved by his revelation. I would be lying if I said I didn't almost cry.

And then there was the question about my "too short" shirt. Well. When we were doing the Playmakers Tour (you remember that thing, right?), we had these costumes for months. And they get washed. A lot. Ware and tare are bound to happen when clothes get beat up on stage and then in a washer and dryer five days a week for 3-4 months. But these aren't exactly the kind of clothes you'll find in your upscale mall. So you know how cotton likes to shrink?

Yep.

One day, I come to find my shirt, which fitted me perfectly at the onset (which in my experience has always been a bit of foreboding), had miniaturized itself a half to full size down from it's original specs. When we made it for the show I'm in this shrunken undershirt and my still normal purple plaid over-shirt, which meant that if you were to meet me when I walked in, I wouldn't have looked any different. Heck, even if I was doing warm-ups you wouldn't notice anything. But, there was this one point in the show where I would be doing something in the improvised portion; or more importantly being the fully committed actor that I am supposed to be, and in the excitement of the moment, there would be a brief second where I would, for some justifiable reason beyond what my memory can recall at this very moment, require my body to be very big and stretched out. The largess of the movement made my belly briefly, and partially, exposed--much to the surprise of everyone--including myself.

In any other case, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but it's kids we're talking about here. And of course they laughed. It was rare, and certainly I did my best to avoid it, but in a show that asks you to do near gymnastics, with a shirt that doesn't fit, it was a funny moment waiting to happen. And of course everyone made fun of me for it. Nothing's funnier to children then seeing their seeming infallible elders and older peers produce a gaff. It appears that it was enjoyed by all-including the quiet chuckles of the bashful teachers in the background.

Gladly, we wear buccaneer poofy shirts that don't leave any of that nonsense to chance. You know...serious, adult clothing. So dear children: I'm sorry for the too short shirt--never will you need see my belly button again. I promise.

-Ben

Tour Rehearsal Complete!

Today was our final day of rehearsal. There was a bit of anticipation as all the pieces were expected to fall into place, but with only a few bumps, we made a clean run, loaded up the van, and called it a week. Here are some other favorite plays we've worked upon: a pencil that is afraid to be sharpened; a cat that's too nice to cat mice; Mr. Bean who, despite his best efforts, just can't name the right Jelly Belly flavor for his very demanding little customer; a little red flower who was too scared to come up to the earth's surface. Those are among my personal favorites, but, as our tour implies, we have all-star pieces across the board for the tour (incidental rhyme!).

There was one play that, due to our limited time, was not able to get on board for the tour: the story of a brother and a sister staring up at a starry night. The brother tries to get his sister to join him in making out shapes in the sky. The sister, who has since grown up into her high school self, doesn't really see the point in even staring at the stupid sky until the brother makes the shape of an I-Pod. Her imagination starts to peek out. The brother reminisces about how much he misses his sister's vibrant imagination of her younger years and the stories she used to make. She finally taps into that powerful imagination and starts to tell a fairy tell as the brother closes his eyes and becomes serenaded by her tall tale. I can't really do it justice here, but another really cool piece. It's amazing how many good plays we had to choose from--and we're still searching or this year's play festival winners!

Earlier today, I stumbled across Aladdin on the TV...I couldn't resist. As of right now they're showing Matilda, I'm trying to keep my eyes away. The movie is good. The book is awesome. Read it if you haven't already. So it's been a day of celebrating fantasy. Tally-ho!

When I think about where movies, plays, and other forms of the imagination take us, I think about this movie one of my roommates recommended to me, The Purple Rose of Cairo, which is believed to be Woody Allen's affectionate tribute to the movies. However, I think there's something to be extrapolated from it's story--is that we all need that place to let our minds expand beyond the walls of reason so we can deal with everything else. If you get the chance it's worth the watch.

P.S.-I know some people thought that the play I mentioned yesterday was a play currently under consideration; it is in fact a part of our up-coming tour. The tour itself is a "best of" previous play festival winners. Since we're still considering this year's lineup, I'm not really at liberty to say what my favorite's have been thus far, although my colleagues and I have hit upon some real potential winners already.

-Ben

The Really Short of It

Hi everyone,

You'd think I'd be moving at a snail's pace because I'm not touring any more. Oh, how far from the truth!

-The weekend was filled mostly with memorization. We're now officially set to perform 9 plays for our mini-tour, starting (unofficially) this coming Monday. My head's been spinning with pages worth of lines, extra notes, and blocking. The choreography includes music, costumes, transitions between each play, and opening and closing "acts" to make the show itself a complete performance. And we'll have done it in two weeks. I don't care who you are--that's quick turnaround. When I'm not doing that, I'm reading plays under consideration for the Under 6 play festival, doing more rehearsal, or turning into a puddle of goo in front of the comfy telly. Ok, so that was a bit a dramatic, but yes, been making some extra me time this week.

-Monday:
The Moveable Feast. It's their big yearly fundraiser (or fun-raiser is more like it). The open up practically all their facilities, and of course we're there to help make it all happen. There were hor'deours course being offered by servers walking around the main stage theater and facility (i.e. myself and colleagues), this followed a show by a musical all male-vocal group they brought in at another theater across the way. This made just enough time for all the very nice local restaurants to set up their food, for us to prepare both the mainstage theater area and the cabaret for their post-show return where we wined and dined them until they could eat and drink no more. In one room was a spanish-guitar playing soloist. In another was a hot-rollin' blues and jazz group. Actually make that two counting another area. There was a place for wine tasting, outside areas to walk and more conversing. It was quite the wondrous spectacle. And a lot of fun. There were some fun patrons to talk to and of course the various casts from our current main shows came up which was added enjoyment. Six hours later, we were cleaning up the last of the napkins, glasses, mugs, plates, desserts (the food, at least what I was fortunate to be offered, was amazing), we were done. The feast moved well!

-The rest of the week:
More rehearsals and box office. Renewals for subscriptions are coming into the box office, so I've been busy in the continuing efforts to get all the seating requests, payments, and other notes bundled up and into our system known as Tessitura, an extremely impressive piece of software that virtually the entire business side of the theater runs upon--and many like it.

-Favorite Play of the Week:
We've been working on a play where a girl desperately misses her dad, who's gone away on "business". A boy, her playground mate, offers to write her a letter for her dad. The father receives it, and finds a solution: they both have matching telescopes; when the moon is full, they will both look at it at the same time and be "gorgeous and happy". One night, they find their chance, and remember how much they will remain in each other's hearts. I really don't think I can say much more than that for the moment, but it's a really beautiful piece. I'll have to go more into the show itself later.

That's about all my brain and catch up to at the moment. Will take the rest and type to you tomorrow.

-Ben

The Arts and Purpose

Ironically, my time has been a bit more constrained as of late:
-This week: We've been rehearsing in the mornings for about 4-5 hours a day; followed by 4-5 hours of time in the box office each afternoon into the evening. Today, I spent a few hours reading some of the potential winners for Under 6 and assisted with the special needs students in one of the classes. We spend most of our time in there helping the participants in rehearsal and during the performance. All the scenes/skits are showing off parts of their own identity. One young lady will be doing a piece about her upcoming Golden Birthday (26 on the 26th! Which means I missed mine by...a long time ago; oh well.) Another is doing a group speaking and sign-language presentation dedicated to her Jewish faith and Israel. And there's the guys: one is trying to get to Tampa...via monster truck. The other is ready for the Cubs to break the 102nd year drought and win a World Series. It's fun. And they're fun people--a good way to end the weekdays.

-I've been busy also reading a book called the Empty Space, by Peter Brooks. It's split into four sections, each devoting time and explaining Deadly, Holy, Rough, and Immediate Theater. Right now, I'm just up through the The Deadly Theater chapter. It talks in detail about this particular type of theater, and the various people that contribute to it, that brings about boring, repetitive, meaningless work to the stage--often driving audiences away and making the experience of theater going rather dull. The author challenges the reader to conceptualize a theater with a specific purpose which aims at the overall improved welfare of society. This kind of act will, as he believes, inevitably lead to a theater essential to, and even fun for, the social collective. This, in turn, would make the participation in theater not just frivolity and entertainment, but an expanding and ever-evolving  redefinition of the human condition (to those of you who have read the rest, let me know if I got that right; I hope to elaborate more once I make more progress--as I've alluded to, it's very dense material). Pretty big stuff I daresay.

But it's also nice to think that what we do as part of the performance industry goes beyond mere amusement. I talk a lot about how during the tour we encouraged children to embrace their own identities. Our hope is they use their perspectives to explore and express life as they see it in the present. And there's Race, by David Mamet, that points out that maybe we all have a little racism somewhere in the back of our heads (this was a good point that one of the cast members brought up with me today). The imaginary world is a really cool place for me because it gives us the flexibility to suspend our own expectations to better understand the possibilities of working with someone else's.

Especially with money as tight as it is, the arts are one of the first sectors to come under scrutiny. It's so hard to define our role because it fluctuates along with the times. Even something as trivial as fashion can change the whole meaning of a performance. A play today may not have significance three years from now. Or perhaps, in the case of the digital age, less than a year. That's why so many people, for example, hold Shakespeare in such high esteem, although a devil's advocate would argue that maybe tradition itself has over-emphasized the Bard's importance. English classes often teach us more about what IS good rather than letting students discover the definition of "good" for themselves.

What works, if left to the opinions of their readers, could stir the hearts of high-schoolers today? Maybe it's not the classics. Maybe it would be more than just Harry Potter. Or at least not the works they study in today's classrooms. What subjects should plays address? Are we so fractured in our beliefs and opinions that new works cannot connect beyond the cliche themes and messages? That seems cynical, but those are the challenges and questions I consider when thinking about my career in the bigger picture. If the performing arts are to stay relevant, I believe they cannot function solely off the public opinion nor can they afford to live economically without it. Lest we forget, your participation as the audience member, as this book wisely points out, is just as vitally important. An audience willing to be involved will make any good show great--it's almost essential. You're contribution to this debate could very well help, or hinder, the perpetuation of this art-form.

-Ben

The Funny Muse

Ok, so rehearsals started for our "Best Of" Under Six Mini-Tour. Which is great, because they've certainly picked some very good pieces of work for us to dive into. I won't reveal them just yet, because I'm still taking my first bites into the scripts...we'll see what juice we find towards the middle.

Today ended up being rather stressful. I work in the Box Office as my secondary duties--which in and of itself can be plenty explanatory. I came home in a bit of a funk. Ate food. That felt good. Laid on the couch. Felt even better. Then, I made myself go over to see the FST Improv troope.

Oh man, are they funny.

I know a performance or work has really gotten to me when the emotion just wants to jump out of my throat before I can stop it. It's so nice to be the audience for a chance and have someone twang on your laughter chords until it hurts. I find laughing a necessary thing: keep the world in a tiny corner and let the kid free for awhile. It's hard to think of a time that laughing didn't help to soften and brighten. One of the best stress relievers I know. Honestly, just being around a good performance can often inspire my own acting. (A bad performance can also be just as liberating, but I can get into that later as well). It got me diving into my own acting homework right before I started writing to you. I was able to take one step back, and got five steps forward. Never ceases to amaze.

One thing that I've seen that's tricky for an actor is knowing when to let go of something. Anything. There's lines in the sand I've drawn for myself so I know what my limits are as an actor and as a person. But again, that line we draw when it's just ourselves gets oh so much more complicated when other people are involved. And, when something isn't working, it's often been the best for me to take a step back and turn off the brain--which has sometimes been a mammoth struggle as the young, frail, fledgling actor that I am, with the constant worries of adulthood survival, the fear of losing passion, losing faith in my process, and all the other things that come with risking for a big dream.

Tonight it came down to getting a good laugh. Someone else's artistic expression became the relief against the struggles within my own.

Just something to think about.

-Ben

Playmade

This morning started like any normal Monday through Friday. I sat up, got out of bed, and ran a comb across my head...well not exactly, but I love any excuse to make a Beatles reference (love that band). I dressed in my purple and blue costume. Went downstairs for complimentary breakfast (woo-hoo!) and watch the assortment of news on one of the big flat screens hovering in the corner talking about more of the chaos in Libya (if you don't know what I'm talking about, you best be getting to an online paper now). We conclude food, grab our things, and make our way for work. Today would seem a little unusual anyway because we've been assigned four performances. However, no workshops. Fair enough.

The school, once again, is very accommodating. We get to setup right away. Pre-designed fabrics roll out. Chords are connected and taped. Mics are strapped on. Sound checks are finished. The set lights go on. The kids come in. The room lights go off. The sounds of amazement at the orange glow of the curtains. The slight hypnosis from the guitar as we sing a few fun-filled pop songs as the remaining crowd files in. Then...

we begin.

It was hard to choose a favorite story. These kids were willing to jump in with both feet. It was even harder to keep it all straight given the amount of material we generated. There were magical flying Frisbees and a ghost-witch and a Mr. Snatcher. Even Red Riding Hood and Cinderella joined the party. And, when we did the final silly dance to end the show, we took a few extra minutes to make conversation and take questions.

And thus was the ending of our tour.

Now in my guestimation, we traveled over 10,000 miles and saw between 30,000 and 40,000 children. That also means that we have performed our show over 100 times. We have traveled to within shouting distance of Georgia and gone as far south as Miami.

Whew.

It's been quite an adventure. I mean, it's so easy to get tangled in the chaos and logistics that it's hard to keep focus on our impact. We've encouraged these kids to start creating plays with characters far more interesting than Hannah Montana or Justin Beiber or John Cena. We've opened them up to the idea that their voice, unadulterated (in more sense than one), can be, and perhaps should be, an important contributor to our understanding of ourselves. For kids who want to talk about boogie monsters, zombies, and chasing after hamburgers, that's some big stuff.

I'll see you tomorrow.

-Ben

The Road to Lucie's House

Port Saint Lucie, to be exact. And as of this very moment, we're rooming the night in the nearby town of Ft. Pierce (which had a very impressive collection of restored tank and artillery in town).Our impending finale lying only a few hours away.

The road here took us locally through the center of the state again, this time almost to the Atlantic itself. Again, a very pretty image of dotting palm trees among prairies littered with cow and horse pastures. And some orange groves. If not for our lone Floridian on the trip, I would've guessed that these three things were the only things Florida farmers concerned themselves with.

We passed through the darkness until an oasis of light appeared on the horizon. It was this beautiful looking carnival looking place with various Ferris Wheels, rides, games, and so on. It looked so freakin' awesome. So we went to park, paid the nominal fee...only to discover that they wanted a rather large chunk of money at the entrance. Being the starving (sometimes literally) artists that we are, this charge was declined and off we went again.

The hotel here is very nice and we've spent most of our evening here eating Hungry Howie's pizza and pasta while taking a glimpse at the Oscars ceremony: which was, I must admit, very entertaining. A lot of good movies came out this year. It's very satisfying to know, especially with some of the junk that gets out there, that Hollywood does indeed still take storytelling seriously while at the same time pandering to patrons' popular opinion of things.

Anyways, not much else to tell. Today was a very quiet evening. Tomorrow will be a unique ending to a very interesting journey.

-Ben

End-bruary

Yep, the month of Love and MLK are quickly coming to a close. It's been a wild ride. The tour has one more date out of down and it looks to be quite the fitting finale. I've been finding some really wonderful online sources for acting perspective. While I still tease out the extra knowledge and start forming my own conclusions, here's how today went:

We made our way to Ashton Elementary. The school had a huge wooden stage attached to the cafeteria. We had the added surprise of some FST staff coming to show their support. It was great to see them come out--especially when they start chuckling along with the rest of the adults. So, off we went into the imaginative Yonder and had ourselves a whole bunch of fun. The workshop I did had some very bright children in it. Although it drives me crazy when the teacher explains this away as being expected, but because it was a "gifted" class. Whatever. The kids needed a little prodding away from celebrities as their main characters. But once they did and we got into how to solve the main characters' problems, they did some beautiful thinking. We worked out that I was really thirsty, trying to get water (I've used this example before), but the floor was covered in face-melting hot lava. Soon, we had me getting ready to hop desks, turn invisible, use icicle-colling powers to make my way through the lava and defeat the giant rock-crusted lava monster. All in the course of five minutes. Just another example of what suggestion can do for the brain.

Play of the Day:
A royal dog was ruler of all he could see and smell. But there was Luke, a crafty theif, that always managed to steal his things. One day, he even made off with the crown! The royal dog summon his knights to chase Luke away, but it didn't help getting his prestige returned. They chase Luke all over the land. Up. And down. (And through the curtains). Until finally they caught her by lassoing her up in a giant net and sending her off to the dungeon. Then end.

-Ben

Plays, Budgets, and one very unfortunate Monster

Well hello again.

The noggin's been thinking and doing a lot of reading lately, and sadly not a whole lot of time to jot down notes. (Now writing down that I need to write down notes)... OK. Here's what stuck out.

-Yesterday:
Another early, but kindly short day on tour. It felt like I blinked and we were back. Once we returned, I got right on task. There were some errands (that had been delicately placed at the front of that post-it wall mentioned earlier) I needed to do. I had drop off some new submissions for Summer and Fall work. There were a few plays I needed to pick up for reading and crafting work on potential monologues. There were also submissions for the play festival have been coming in and I grabbed myself a packet to start reviewing (more on this later). I even had time to chat to some of the kindly administration folks. Ah, the feeling of getting things done. Golden.

But perhaps the most intriguing experience of the day was just around the hourly bend...

Word had got to me that afternoon about a company meeting that would be in session. So, I got myself all dressed up for the Box Office, that would happen directly after, and joined the theatrical throng. In summary: the theater is doing well. It's a record season for attendance with over 20,000 subscribers (yeah, that's a lot) with each show being extended at least once (these shows are averaging 6-8 week runs). So, cool. People coming to see theater is always great news. What especially caught my ears was the conversation we had about where the future of theater is going. Our theater's mission is to make good theater and make it affordable. Sounds obvious enough doesn't it? Well, getting a good product and being able to afford the price you put on it are far from easy. A lot of my peers reading this don't need a reminder on how labor and material intensive a good show can be. I don't even want to THINK about what utilities cost. Again, another interesting article in the economics of theater might need to be posted. (Putting into my notes...).

But the point that was being made here is that often there are very particular demographics that can attend--and really we mean afford--to come see live theater. Broadway's great. Broadway ticket prices are downright scary. With the current state of everyone's' wallets these days, that can become even more of a concern. How do theaters find affordable programming that can start to speak to, say, my generation, or a group of kids, or another under-represented group, while not alienating the super-important contributors that have been loyal to the cause for years...? It's quite a quandary. And many theaters haven't found the answer. And such have since closed their doors for good or really scaled down their efforts--in many case, both types trying to come out from huge debts incurred while making the improvements they thought were going to bring in more patron dollars. I'm going to have to get into this more at a later time when more research time is available. It's a really important discussion. Make sure to contact your lawmakers right now, because the government is already slated to cut back national support. And, it could get worse if the House has its way.

-Today:
The last three days we've been road-trippin' in and around the town of Arcadia. Today was another solid show. I ended up being a big, hairy, junkyard monster that was beaten into a fuzzy pulp by a very brave girl who got lost in the junk piles while trying to build herself an automobile from scratch. We had an epic fight over whether or not I would let her pass. And of course I was going to win...
Round 1: She manhandled me. I was tossed all over the place and flattened into the earth.
Round 2: I threw her around a little; thought I had her figured out. But then, she came back with a fury. Once again I was a hairy puddle being made one with the dirt by what interestingly turned into increasingly smaller objects (I think the last one was a gear for the car she was building). I guess my monster head was too hard for just one beating.

In the class I taught, we were busy writing stories about everything from World War II to castles to candy. What excited me today is we were able to get writing very quickly with a big class. Always good news. And that's about all the mental RAMs got going on the brain right now. Tomorrow, we'll get back to our regularly scheduled tour.

By the way...two performance days left for Playmakers (whoa).

-Ben

More Thoughts

-Ok, where to start... my mind has been filled with so many thoughts since the last post. I really enjoy sharing my day-to-day with you, but there are so many big questions that I'm trying to figure out for myself. And last night's post was great for me to share with you; it was just as exciting to strike a cord with all the return replies I have received by email. I really do believe that performing arts are about sharing--we're giving to you. This is my way to give back a meaningful contribution to the collective. That sound a bit borg-ish of me (yes, I have a little nerd in me), but I've always been about a higher purpose in what I do. It's not enough for me to have something to do. What will keep me going for the next fifty, sixty, seventy years (I can only hope) is a big picture vision.

Why--you may wonder--am I talking all big and sage-y these days? It's because the past year has really brought about some great discoveries for myself. Many of them hard to hear and even harder to embrace the change that comes with it. I feel like I've finally had a chance to rediscover the awakening I had mid-way through college that made my commitment to acting as rock solid as it is right now.

As I alluded to yesterday, acting is very much about our ability to be comfortable living. Some might say the two are virtually the same thing--but that's a dangerously contentious digression I will save for another time.

I've also been enlighten by several brilliant blogs out there. It helps to be reminded that having a solid plan is essential. That trusting your will and your heart, once put out into the open, (many thanks to playbillsvspayingbills for that lead!) will find it's way to your desired destination.

My best hope is that this blog has significance not only for myself, but for the potential readers that will encounter it. I open up the doors of suggestion to any thoughts, observations, or other ideas you have about this blog and this post.

-But not so fast... Play of the Day:
Once upon a time there was this surfer named Johnny that love to "catch 10" on the Big Kahunas. However, he wasn't very good, and he kept being tossed to and fro among the waves. He was so sick of being thrown off the big rollers that he was literally getting seasick!

There was also this old man. Watching. And, at last, fed up, he said "you better not crash or I'll kick yer butt!" Well, that lit a fire under our young dude. He dived in. He gave his best effort. But the big watery wall thrusted him back upon the beach. The old guy said "You're not any good! You don't know how to surf". O-oh, did that make the young dude mad. Wipe-outs, seasickness, and annoy old violent men or otherwise, he was going to overcome them all. 

Suddenly, he found himself in a surfing competition with two other hopefuls. They all waited at the sandy starting line; then they springed into the ocean. The mad their way onto the first biggie. The young dude made it through, so did another, but alas one fell into the sea!

They went out again. But the wave was too big... down it crashed and sent the young dude to short. Once again feeling like a piece of wood being rubbed over sandpaper, he expected defeat, but there was the other competitor, also thrown onto land! Therefore, it was declared a tie. The young dude was jubilant, but the competitor said "You're not that good--I could've beaten you on any other day". The old man was also not impressed by his now his rather dulled medallic prize. The young dude braced for abuse, but the old man just left him to his rather anticlimatic return to the rollers.

The end.

"R-n-R"

Ok, so I had to work Box Office during the day...but, it was a nice break from the normal grind. I got to sleep in (7AM wakeup!) and was able to slow down life for a few hours. As an actor it's so important to do that from time-to-time. It's also something that I myself struggle to do. The mind keeps tapping at the back of your consciousness...trying to remind you off all those "to-do" post-its turning the inside of your skull yellow. They pile up until you feel like you can't even move. The mind, like the body, needs breaks, too. Sometimes you need to stop now, so you have enough will to get everything else done--just enough so that you can recharge your inner energy. Other times you just need to do something that uses another side of your brain for a little while. I've seen and used both active and passive approaches very successfully.

It's also challenge to meet everyone's needs, and your own, when you see the same groups of faces (your coworkers no less) from the minute you wake up to the very minute you close your door for bed at night: the challenge of maintaining the line, as my dad describes it, between professional and person life. And boy, can it blur. It can't be helped. Vunerability is wonderful on stage, but downright uncomfortable off of it. The kinds stress that can happen on tour are enough to make even the most patient person edgy. So, it stands to reason that when you're sharing that much of your time with someone else, everyones' lives are going to rub off on each other and the ugly side of human nature can peel through the cracks. I'd imagine there's a bit of that challenge in any industry to which one gets committed. So how do we manage stress and find moments for ourselves to keep up our working decorum?

Here's what I have observed, among myself and my cast, have been doing (either mutually shared or exclusive):

-Taking walks
-Running before work
-Writing
-Reading (books, plays, newpaper, etc.)
-Exercising daily either at a gym or in the apartment
-Making time for the Bible and weekly religious gatherings
-Skyping, calling, texting, and/or facebook-ing with family and friends (sometimes many, many times during the day)
-Staying in touch with their own acting communities.
-Listening to the good ol' I-pod
-Talking to fellow castmates about stresses
-Going out for food/non-actor things
-Finding non-acting folks to spend time with, including outside organizations and classes (where time allows)

The one thing I notice, and these are only what I imagine are a handful of other strategems floating around, is that actors need to make time for themselves as well as for the outside world. Acting, like any profession, does not live exclusive to the rest of life. In fact, it feeds off of it. The trick is to use the flow of our full experience to power the flow of our imaginations. Like a boat following a current, we must respect its course, as well as the vessel in which we use to navigate it. You need to take care of yourself in all aspects, including keeping your connection to what makes you "hot" in your own life. It's essential to maintaining the fire in the characters we need to perform. Actors need outlets to release stress and continue to take in inspiration. Otherwise, the risks to the integrity of the group and of the work could be devastating. It's hard, but necessary as an actor to find ways to, 1, vent out stressors, 2, orient oneself creatively for the work required, and, 3, provide oneself with ways to stay connected to life beyond your job. In fact, it's part of an actor's job to do so.

We are required to be connected to our emotions, but have that wisdom switch that can take notes and nudges from our working partners that could be scalding to the ego. There will be bad days. There will be mistakes and misunderstandings. Good actors know how to manage these challenges and keep their contribution to the group a positive, collaborative experience. They know how to forgive themselves when needed and have the strength to forge ahead towards improvement. An actor must have faith in the work they've done in rehearsal and stay loyal to the director's vision. These alone seem like tall tasks, but the ideas I've outlined here have helped us when the road seemed a little too long and the hills we had to climb a little too steep.

Happy Presidents' Day.

-Ben

It's Friday!

TGIF. Or however you want to show your weekend love. I hope you'll have some time to kick back and take in some you time. I know I will.

Yesterday:
We made the trek all the way down to Fort Myers. And had a blast. We had this one play about an electric snake named Electric (he likes to dance to "the hustle" while zapping the water with mini-bolts of lightning) and he was angry because his skateboard was stolen. So Electric confronted his friend, an electric eel (the way it was suggested was such that we were two different species), and asked her if she took. "No", she said. But she offered to help him find the skateboard, so off they went.

They made their way to the skateboard store and started admiring all the cool stuff inside, when a pinching crab was found, holding Electric's precious board. They tried to get it from the crab, but the crab pinched back. Finally, the crab ran away, with the two electric water reptiles fast on the crab's trail. They get the crab cornered and throw all their electric power into the crab...until she finally released the skateboard. They all decided to make it up after the crab apologize and tried to ride the skateboard together. But, alas, it broke. The end.

Now what makes this play even better was the volunteer we got for the crab. These are part of the one to two plays that we completely improvise out of the kids' suggestions. Naturally, we also make sure to give the kids as many opportunities to get in on the fun onstage. The guy we got was arguably the best volunteer actor we've ever seen. When he came out as the crab, he came out a-pinchin'. He fought back against us for the skateboard, he ran and ducked and dodged us. Then, he lied down and did the most beautifully exaggerated fake electrocution I've ever seen. We all almost lost it. And that's saying something from actors who are supposed to be prepared for the unexpected. It was great. Afterwards, we were all so impressed we gave him a signed postcard congratulating him. We were assured that made his day. And I'm glad. He certainly made ours.

Today:
No electrocutions, thank goodness. It was a very quick tour day. We were in and out before 10 AM had a chance to catch its breath. This was another local school where we did a play about these two very frightened girls who were trying to hang on for dear life while this roller coaster stopped-and-started and swooshed its way to the finish. We also did a play about a girl who couldn't come out of her room until it was clean. But when she started to pull everything together, the dog (this was me) came in and pulled everything out again; making an even worse catastrophe. The girl was mad, but the dog was very ashamed and she forgave her beloved pet. She went back to cleaning when the hard-nosed mother returned. She was furious the room was not cleaned after only one hour.

Before the girl could give a reply there came an answer from this British voice: "You're a very mean mother!"

The dog was talking!

The mother couldn't believe her eyes...so instead they rolled back into her head, and she collapsed on the floor. When the girl and the dog have to awaken her twice before she recovers from the shock. The mother quietly demands the dog to be put outside. The girl and the dog beg desperately on the opposite side. The mother thinks long and hard. At last, she gives in. They all reconcile, everyone is nice to each other, and the family finally becomes tolerant of their very special dog. The end.

-Ben

Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey

Hi everyone,

Every once in a while, I try to give you all the heads up on some great places to be an actor. This happens to be one of them. For many of you that follow my posts, you might have heard of them already. The link below is for their Non-Union company (forwarded from a fellow SPTP graduate), but their education programs (that's the second link posted below) are also some of the best. It's where I grew more in over two months as a performer than perhaps in any other point in time. Also a great place for those of you delving into the technical side of our profession.


http://www.playbill.com/jobs/find/job_detail/35335.html
http://shakespearenj.org/Education/classesandtraining.html (see all the links for the Summer Professional Training Program)

Action-Packed

I'm afraid this time it will truly be brief. The day has been a long one--nearly 17 hours has gone by since I woke up this morning. We had a quick stint at another local school, where by the end of the day I had a lovely chat with one of the staff members. However, our Education Director showed up and had a whole bunch of notes after we got back. I then had a few hours to get some of my own things done before I had to show up for a wild night at the box office. It was truly a full day. There were enough things going on today that I really haven't had the time to digest them, so for the sake of sleeping, I look forward to getting back to my more in-depth self tomorrow.

Looking forward: The good and bad news is that the tour is coming to an end in about two weeks. Preparations for the Under Six Young Playwrights Festival will commence soon. It's a party I sure hope not to miss.

-Ben

Back and Then Out Again

So fast forward two more days and here we are. I'm afraid my body is still catching up from the pace of the previous week and my eyes struggle to keep open. So I must keep it brief. We made our way back from a wonderful school right within Miami's city limits. We performed outdoors for a throng of students (they had just built a brand new outdoor stage). The kids were among the smartest I've encountered and there were plenty of ideas abounding. It would not shock me if one of their plays makes the Festival this spring.

On our way back, I finally got myself a disposable camera (how 90s am I?) And started rationing out my frames until I made it all the way back through the everglades and home to our messy estate. I must make my way over to develop film; sadly, more patience will be required until then.

Today we went back to the local routine. This time we went to a Jewish institution. We had a fun time performing the story of the (kosher) Mr. Salami, who had fell out of a plane and got stuck in the desert, trying to find his way to the frozen isle. He had to pick and pluck his way around an especially annoying prickly cactus. He had wrestle and bump his way around a tumble weed, which he tried to eat, and almost choked to death upon. He came across a companion (the name escapes me at the moment) and made our way to a supermarket where we had to battle the Ninja Fuji Apples. At last Mr. Salami was safe in his refrigerator, recovering from the day. The end.

After that, I worked with a class of first graders. We packed up our things and then made it back for a few hours before I headed off to the box office, and then returned just in time to clean the bathroom for inspection tomorrow. Which leaves me here now writing to you.

Wow...that wasn't such a short piece of writing after all.

-Ben